I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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