the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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