I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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