so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
