I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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