She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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