Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
