He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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