pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
