i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
