So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
