i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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