is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
