Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
