I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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