My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
