I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
