Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize