Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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