You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
