apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
