I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
