I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
