we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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