Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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