I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
