What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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