I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize