I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize