I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
