I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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