I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
