Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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