Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
