She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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