The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
