areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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