as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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