My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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