chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
