I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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