Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
