I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize