so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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