Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
