Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
