I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i drank out of a bidet.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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