so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
