Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
