the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
