Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
