Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
