i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
