ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
