I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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