You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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