babies were throwing up all over the place
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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