Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
