you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
