i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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