I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
