i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
