dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
