I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
