u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Randomize
