oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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