If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
