Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
