Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
