i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
