you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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