real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize