it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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