please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
