I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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