We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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