He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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